The 'Stuff' of life and the chaos it creates

I've spent more than twenty years helping people eliminate the 'excess stuff' they've accumulated. But it isn't just 'stuff' that needs to go from the physical environment. From time to time it's also people, places or jobs.

We sometimes hold onto relationships for years after they have ended. We all know one sided friendships or marriages that are dead. We witness destructive relationships that seem to go on forever. What's the old saying? 'The devil you know is better than the one you don't.' This was no doubt stated by someone who was frozen with fear. After all, what if the devil got his walking papers and a bevy of angels was invited in to stay?

There's a law of physics that states that two objects can not occupy the same space at the same time. You won't have more nurturing friends, a better love relationship or a great workplace if you don't create the space. I'm not suggesting you wake up tomorrow and do a wholesale cleaning of your life. I am suggesting you take some time to examine every aspect of your life and see if something needs to be eliminated. You may discover what needs to be done is some serious nurturing of current relationships whether they be personal or professional.

I helped a client recently who had some plants. She adored them. She simply forgot to care for them on a regular basis. She found it heartwarming to see how quickly they could bounce back with a little water. I suggested she nurture them on a regular basis so that they didn't have to come back from the brink every few weeks. There's a metaphor for life in this story. Do you nurture your relationships on a regular basis? Do you nurture yourself by creating an environment that supports you on every level? Or are you the kind of person who senses distance in your friends and rushes in with last minute invitations to dinner? Does your home get so messy you have to tidy up every few weekends?  Do you wonder why the order you created never lasts? Only long term and consistent care will create the results you want whether it's people or places.

I had to walk away from a long term friendship recently. Something happened that hurt me deeply. When I examined the relationship I realized that for several years it had been falling apart. Had we been honest we would have seen the hand writing on the wall and parted years ago. My environment 'speaks' to me in much the same way. I look around and suddenly something I treasured and loved looks old or out of place. I realize I've outgrown the item. And then I have the fun of replacing it with something that reflects who I am in this moment. If the original object is still in great condition I can compound my fun by giving it to someone else. Now even the object has a fresh start.

I took a leap of faith when I created my organizing business. I took another when I decided to write my first book. Both have developed in ways I could never have imagined. These leaps of faith have given me experiences, friends and creative fulfillment beyond my wildest imagination. I never considered that my business would take off and I'd be organizing 21 years later. Nor could I possible have dreamed that I'd one day be writing my 8th book.

What can you eliminate that may open the door to greater possibilities?

The Fourth of July: more than a day for hot dogs and fire works

Are you holding on to something that drags you down?

Perhaps you delight in 'saving the day' and carry every object known to man in your purse or brief case? Whether it's a flashlight or a nail file, you take care of the requests of friends and strangers. It's breaking your back but the moment of rescue makes you feel too important to change.

Or maybe you refuse to toss anything out of your environment because 'someday' you might need it? This usually hides behind the pseudo mantra: 'I'm not a person who wastes things.' 'If you wait long enough everything comes back into style.' 'The minute I toss something, I need it!' Do these sound like the things you say as you move about your impacted space?

Sometimes what we hold on to are the pains of the past like the time your second grade teacher humiliated you in front of your class mates. Or maybe it's the last relationship that haunts you. He or she 'did you wrong' and you can't move forward because you cared so deeply.

Take a few minutes before this wonderful holiday and see if you are keeping yourself a prisoner. Are you hiding behind words that deflect responsibility? Whatever happened to you is in the past. It can't be re-done. It can serve as a wise teacher.

Declare your personal freedom this holiday.

Set new goals and intentions. Let them float into the night sky with the fireworks display in your neighborhood or on the TV. Embrace your ability to start over.

Blessings,
Regina

Shop with your head, not with your heart!

December 8th, 2008

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...and Chanukah, and Kwaanza and...whatever end of the year holiday you wish to honor by purchasing gifts for loved ones, friends and colleagues.

Here is THE most important thing you need to decide before you ever set foot in a store or make out a gift list: how much money can you spend? It's critical that you be realistic. I encourage you to shop using your left brain, not your emotions. The latter will find you making purchases that will come back to haunt you in January when your credit card bills start arriving in your mail box. The latter will give a false boost to your low self esteem as folks open the gifts you can't afford and gush over your 'generosity.'

Here's an exercise I offer in my New York Times best seller "One Year to an Organized Life.'

1. Take an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper and write your budget in the upper right hand corner. Remember this is the maximum amount you can spend for gifts. You may also need money for holiday entertaining, travel, gift wrap and ribbon etc. Factor those expenses in when you make your gift giving budget.

2. Make a list of everyone for whom you'd like to purchase a gift. Write down at least two gift ideas for each person as well as the total you feel comfortable spending.

3. At the end, add up the amounts you have allocated for everyone. Expect to be shocked: 9 times out of 10 it's much greater than your budget total.

What to do?

We need to go back and start eliminating some people from the list. Maybe this is the year these good folks get a letter of appreciation from you rather than a gift.

You also want to get creative! This is truly where the fun starts. Here are some non traditional ways to honor someone.

A. Go to a charity like Oxfam and purchase some chickens for a poor family in your friend's name. You will receive a gift certificate. Of course it doesn't have to be a chicken...cows, pigs and other animals are also available.

B. Check out the class list from your local Community College. How about some dance lessons for that special couple instead of a tired old tie and a pair of earrings?

C. Food prices are high, right? What about starting a tiny herb garden for a friend who loves to cook? You won't need to purchase a kit. Go to your local nursery and pick up the supplies yourself.

What would you add to this list?

I'll be back tomorrow. In the mean time start work on your list!

Blessings,
Regina