'I'm Organized. My spouse is the problem!'

Perhaps the most frequent question I am asked is a variation on the title of this post.  It could be a woman or a man at one of my seminars assuring me that the lack of order at home is due to his or her partner.  He or she doesn't honor the organizing that is done.  What should this poor victim do? I have three suggestions.

1. Is this lack of respect a surprise to you?  When you look back to the early days of your relationship were they different or did you turn a blind eye to the lack of respect you experienced?  Why do you think out of all the people on planet earth you decided that this was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? Does the experience of being dismissed feel familiar?  Did your parents and siblings treat you this way?  Very often we replicate painful experiences simply because they are familiar and oddly comfortable.  Understand what's behind the experience and you're in a better position to change your reaction because the only thing you are in charge of in life is ~ you.
2. Communication is the perfect antidote to situations of discord. Tell your partner what your goals are for the shared space.  Ask if he or she shares them and if not how would they like to experience life in this space?  Do they have ideas they wish to contribute when it comes to an organized closet, kitchen or bathroom?  Is there an area they would like to control?  Assumptions will get you into trouble.  Communication will clear the air. Very often you feel disrespected while your partner is feeling controlled.
3. Consider asking a professional organizer for help.  You and your partner have emotional issues that are being worked out through the environment.  We are able to take a clinical view of the space and its contents.  It may be easier for both of you to honor the system created by a stranger than one invented by either of you.  This is a more costly proposition in terms of finance.  It's incredibly cheaper when you consider the emotional price you'll pay without one of us.

I found this quote on Pinterest and feel it's the perfect close for this post. It's by Jacob M. Braude.

Consider how hard

It is to change

yourself and

you'll understand

what little chance

you have in trying

to control others.

AMEN.